There is a point to all this, I'm not just off on a jolly.

I've got 6 pairs of khaki combat shorts, a fistful of foreign dollars & a large packet of fig rolls. Excellent, I'm ready.

Going on holiday is all very well & can be quite relaxing if you don't get a rash, but it's a bit pointless really. Just wandering about in ill-fitting clothing consuming Callipos in various places of natural beauty is not particularly fulfilling for the sophisticated modern woman, so in order that I do lose my competitive edge, or lapse into slothful behaviour, I have decided to add an element of challenge to my latest sojourn.

I would like to befriend a penguin. This is not some idle whimsy, but something I've been steering my life path towards for some time now, albeit with relatively no success. I'm fairly sure I'll have some contact with a penguin in Hong Kong, but it's likely to be in some kind of dumpling & consumption is not the aim.

I have devised a points system as follows:
1. Seeing a penguin from a distance 1 point
2. Seeing a penguin close up 2 points
3. Sidling up to within 10 feet of a penguin 5 points
4. Being in any way "flippered" by a penguin 10 points
5. Stroking a penguin 100 points
6. Luring one into my rucksack or into a waiting getaway vehicle 10 million points

I hope they sell bloater paste overseas.